Last Night

Last night I went to the Owl City All Things Bright and Beautiful Tour. I've been waiting for so long and finally yay! Great performance, great vocal, great show. Lots of instruments, he's very talented I can say. Breanne Duren is so lucky to tour with them. She has the unique voice and can play instruments as well, that's sexy. Thank you very much Deny for trying to get the last minute tickets that I thought it was already sold out. Weeehoooo!

One word - AWESOME!

2.40am

I wear my make up

Black eyeliner never fail to make the eyes look wider

Mesmerize

I look pretty. I look gorgeous

I look... o l d e r ...

The drumbeat and the crowd

They play it loud

Loud enough to wake the dead

Somehow, I can hear a whisper

Whisper with echoes

Distracted

It echoes something that it should not

I
m
i
s
s
you

A Good Friend Tells A Good Story

This evening a friend of mine text-ed me:

Friend: Yo let's have an iftar together

Me: Aite let's go

So we went to have an iftar together at a restaurant nearby. We ordered our meals and started to chit-chat. Because we haven't seen each other for a while, so we started to ask how was each others' life and what's up and all. After a few minutes, the meals were there and he, I shall say who has a nerdy look but very intelligent and smart brain, began to tell me a story - a beautiful story about Al-Kahf.

He didn't tell me about the detail, he just summarized it to me and that made me, who were very slow in understanding something, understood the story. About the impatient Zul-qarnain in getting knowledge from his guru, about Ya'juj Ma'juj and many other stories that were told in the surah.

All of the stories were told with very simple words using a daily conversation, which had my interest to ask more and more. I must say that I'm a bit lack of knowledge in Islamic history. This is because during my school time I had a problem in imagining the chronology of the events and I was always got confused with the long and repeated names being used over and over describing different people at different times. Basically I'm a slow learner, that's it. So by listening to a simple version, I get the pictures and yeah, I was amazed of the true fact about what's in the Al - Quran and what's in reality.

He also told me about hadiths. The one that really caught my interest was this hadith that says something about a dermatology disease called Kusta. 


According to Ahmad Ibn Hanbal, "keep away from the leper as you do from a lion". 


And this good friend of mine version, using a simple explanation, was "Do you know there is a hadith about Lepra, that says when you see people suffering the disease, you got to run quickly as if you see a lion". 


I thought that was sooooo funny as I was imagining walking on a street one day and suddenly a Lepra girl/boy walks by, my reaction would be scream as loud as I can, throw 2 or 3 stones at her/him before run as fast as I can without looking back. Really, that is what I'll do when I see a lion, won't you? And that is ridiculous, I can't just throw stones at random person, what did she/he do to me anyway? And it's not her/his fault getting the disease. Plus, people will think that I'm crazy for suddenly scream and run like hell. That's bloody funny to me.


Let me tell you a bit about kusta or Morbus Hansen or Leprosy ( I don't know what it is called in Bahasa Malaysia, pardon me that ). It's a chronic Mycobacterium leprae infection that affects most parts of our body including the peripheral nerves, upper respiratory tract, eyes, muscular, bones, and mostly the skin. It has many variety of symptoms depend on what form of the leprosy that a person has. It could be the enlargement of nerves, skin stiffness and dryness, and if it severe enough, the person would have this very unique face called leonine facies.

                             

                              

Ahah, I know, exactly like a lion face right? How can it be? I'll simplify it to this one picture:

So what really the hadith means is when you see a person suffers from Leprosy, you should try to get a distance from it, because you could get one too if you are not fit enough. And the way it says about lion, it is simply because the people who suffers from the disease has this unique face looks exactly like a lion. In text book they call it leonine facies.


It is known that Leprosy has been discovered by human 4000 BC but actually the hadith has known it way before that. I dropped my jaw listening to his story. That was impressive. That was beautiful. There are more beautiful stories can be found in Al - Quran and hadith, that we can relate to our real life. It's all in our faith, our determination to read, understand and relate to our daily life. And for me, honestly I have a difficulty in understanding the Al - Quran. I mean, I've tried to read the translation, but still I have a problem with the literature. I call it 1st degree poetry. It is too beautiful that my mind can't process it. ( ok, alasan. Fine I'm a very slow person. Guide me please )


It was very nice to have such conversation because I rarely got a chance to discuss about religion with anyone. Plus, I'm very choosy in talking this issue with because I'm afraid to be judged. After nearly 2 hours talking about Al - Quran and hadiths with 3 extra drinks we ordered, he ended our conversation by leaving me with something to be thinking of by saying something about the possibilities of the internet we are using today as the "Dajjal". Hmmm he got a point there, but it is up to one's mind to jugde it.

Mirror Mirror On The Wall

Today my friend told me that she wanted to go to a specialist, consulting about her face skin, and she asked me to go with her. While waiting for her name to be called to see the doctor, I asked her why specialist? What's wrong with the usual face foam, the usual moisturizer and the skin care that we have in the market, that we can easily purchase at The Guardian or Watson? She said that her face was getting darker and her oily face was getting worse and the pimples kept on popping and her pores were getting bigger and her blackheads were everywhere. Her face skin was no longer suited with the usual daily skin care. So she decided to see a specialist, which of course, costs more cash.

I looked at her face. I stared at her. All I saw was a very fair, clean and beautiful face staring back at me. No pimples, no blackheads and no oily face that she claimed she has. I thought she has a very beautiful face. And she was so lucky to own that face. I told her that her face was fine, but she didn't believe that. 

While she was consulting with the specialist, I was sitting behind her, playing the Veggie Samurai game using her iPod. But actually I wasn't really chopping all those veggies, I was actually thinking. Why on Earth such a beautiful lady still thinks that she's not pretty? If she thinks that she's not pretty, then what am I?? And why on Earth such an ass face like me don't even care at all about this beauty thing? Yes, I just don't care and I think what I have is enough ( perasan dah cantik la tu. Ptuih ). With her, complaining about this and that, I started to think that she has everything compared to me. Pretty face? Checked. Tall and slender body? Checked. Smart brain? Checked. Caring parents? Checked. Money? No problemo. A steady boyfriend since high school who has a face like the CK underwear model ( but Kelate version, and a bit pendek ) whose studying oversea ( not 'across the sea' like me ) and planning to marry her sometime next year? Definitely checked. She has everything, why she has to be bothered about this tiny little face problem ( which I think absolutely not a problem at all )?

I came back home around 8pm. I directly went to stand in front of the mirror. Looking at my dull pale face. I touched my nose, and it left me an oily pointing finger. I tightened up my shirt, god, flabby was everywhere. I glanced at my phone. No messages from my parents. I even forgot when was the last time I got an sms from them. I looked back at the mirror. I saw a big L on my forehead...

...Rasa macam nak tumbok diri sendiri...

2.48am

Setelah membaca itu dan ini

Tertawa. Bukan. Kesal. Eh, bukan juga

Lewat malam ini

Nyatanya tiada beza antara aku, kau, kau dan kau
Meminta. Menagih. Menjaja.

Ahah!

Lupakan mereka

Setidaknya lupakan hasil seni mereka

Aku mahu tidur

Tetapi mereka sering datang

Pergilah

Aku sedang berusaha untuk tidur

Oh So True!

You may come across people in your life who might say all the right words at all the right time. But in the end, it is always their actions you should judge them by. It is actions, not words, that matter. Someone can proclaim to love you all day long, but are they just saying it or are they displaying it? After all, talk is cheap. If someone really loves you, really wants to be with you, really can't imagine their life without you, your relationship won't feel like a constant game of "Where's Waldo?". Lips might lie, but hips never lie. So if they are talking your way and not walking in your way, it might be time to hang up the phone and leave it alone. You will never have to play Hide and Seek with someone who truly wants to be found.

                                                                               - Creditted to  Keyra Halim -    

Miss Messy

I am a type of person who can't do multitasking. I can't talk in class while listening to my lecture. I can't write or text messages when someone is talking to me. I can't eat while reading. I can't do 2 tasks at one time. So whenever I have more than 1 task to be done at a time, I have to list them from the most important to the least one so I can prioritize and focus only on the most important one. Last week I was caught in a situation where I have 3 important things to be done - my examination, my job interview with the government and maintaining my room cleanliness, not to mention the other things that went through my mind such as finding the solution for my money problem, booking a flight for my next posting and family problem.  As a result, I got this one big messy mind, and it was portrayed by my room's condition.

Tak senonoh kan? It's a big mess. Gross. I don't like it either but I had no choice but to focus on my studies and prepared for the interview until I forgot to put my cekodok bowl and the mug to the kitchen. Even though I have a maid that can wash all my clothes, I was just too busy to put my dirty clothes outside. Disgusting, I know. I'm going to clean it today. *cheers for me!*

Deadly Whisper

Have you ever felt regret doing what you are doing?

Have you ever wished to turn back the hands of time so that you would not be who you are right now?

Have you ever felt like everything was wrong and nothing was right?

Have you ever went crazy, that you laughed hysterically and smiled as sweet as daisy but within 5 minutes all of sudden you burst into tears, just like a baby sobbing over milk?

Have you ever felt like suddenly everything was against you, even a smelly cat would not smile at you, and the God did not listen to your pray anymore?

Have you ever felt like giving up everything, want to let go of everything, and all you want to do is just laying in your bed staring into space thinking about ending your life?

Well, surprisingly I have...

September has been dark to me. Pitch dark. I broke up with my ex. I failed my dermatology paper. I ran out of cash. And now I am in neurofuckinglogical department. I never like neurology ever since I was in my first year. I could never understand all those imaginary pathway of our memories, movement, sensories, the ridiculous anatomy of the brain and yada yada yada. I mean, who cares, we move because we wanted to. You're having some damage in your brain or backbones, you'll go paralyse, that's it, face it. I don't even care trying to understand it, unlike my any other departments I went through before. Seriously, I hate neurology. I just want to pass the exams and then I swear I'll go burn those neurological books. And what makes me feel even more hopeless is because I am super exhausted in this department. I never felt like this before, not even during my O&G posting. I have to get up at 4 in the morning and already on the road at 5am, reach at the hospital by 6 and start working till 3pm -  the earliest we finish. I would be the happiest girl in the world if I can go back home by 3pm. I would dance all the way home, hug all the beggars on the streets, kiss all the flowers and smile and shake hands with everyone I meet on my way home. Ok I just made it up. But really, everyday the first thing that comes through my mind when I step into the hospital is - are we going home by 3pm today? It could be as late as 6pm. Actually it's not a big problem, I can work all day long in the hospital, I'm already get used to it. But the problem is, I'm in Jakarta and I do not own a car. Which means, I have to use the public transports. No LRT boohooooo. Stuck in the traffic for hours with pollution is not how you want to end your tiring day with. Reaching home by almost dark, with my extremely tired body. I can say that almost everyday I'd passed out till the next morning without taking my shower. And without doing any revision. The routine goes on and on for 5 weeks. As a conclusion, my body is tortured and my mind is empty. I learn nothing everyday. And the exam is approaching very soon.

Last night, I got home late, it was already dark. I threw my bag, changed my clothes, and push myself onto the bed. I was all messy and messed up. My eyes were wide opened. I didn't know why and when my tears went down. Suddenly without I realized, I secretely whispered to myself:

Please god, take my life. Let me die, give me any deadly disease. Or at least put me in some kind of accident so I would get a brain concussion and amnesia would be the best solution. I am weak, I give up fighting for my own life.

I was thinking, wouldn't it be nice if I could just forget everything. Sigh. I know, this is not me. This month has been hard for me and last night was the hardest. I hope Mr. October will be nice to me. Please be nice to me. You have to be nice to me. I'm insist. I don't care. 

Pantun Malam

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